In the past, there were zero things the NFL did that had not been focus group tested and retested before being introduced to the game. One example of this was instant replay, which was tried and tweaked in pre-season games literally for years before the rules committee finally accepted it and forced it upon us all.

Welcome to the brand new NFL because this season, out of the blue and for a decidedly weird reasons, they’ve introduced a new wrinkle to the way that the game will be officiated, that, at first glance, doesn’t sound like much, but its effect could be devastating to what I consider the most thrilling aspects of the game.

The reason for the change is safety: last year umpires got knocked to the ground 100 times in the heated fray that is the defensive zone. Two received concussions. Three required surgery. These sixty-something’s can no longer get out of the way of a 300lb psycho-quick linebacker fast enough, so it’s best to get them out of the way before anything bad could happen to them.

Sounds sensible.

Until you see how they implemented it.

From now on the umpires will line up in the backfield instead of on the defensive side of the ball, running 10 yards behind the line of scrimmage before a play can be initiated.

From now on, QB’s have to get permission from the line-judge before taking the snap.

The results haven’t been pretty. Last Thursday night the Indianapolis Colts looked like a team who were just getting to know one another instead of a squad who last year was flirting with perfection. Manhandled by the Green Bay Packers to the tune of 59-24, their offence never really got in sync despite playing most of their starters.

Peyton Manning and team GM Bill Polian point to one thing – the new ball-spotting rule. Not only did it slow the game down to a crawl, it also ostensibly killed Indy’s hurry-up offence, which is their bread and butter.

Manning told Sports Illustrated, “If we had this rule last year there’s no way we catch up in that New England game. We were down, what, 21 points in the fourth quarter? We wouldn’t have had enough time to run enough plays to catch up. But forget about that game. Let’s chart all the comeback wins where a team runs the hurry-up in the fourth quarter. How many of those games would have ended up the same way — or would the quarterbacks have had enough time to run enough plays to come back and win?”

Adding to their trouble is the new false-start/snap infringement penalty – something they were called for twice last week. Snapping the ball before the umpires are ready draws a flag, meaning quick snaps that used to try to force “too-many-players-on-the-field” calls are now a thing of the past.

“I am dead-set against the penalty,” said Polian. “It is insane. If I knew it would be this way, I’d have voted against it, and not only that, I’d have crusaded against it.”

Umpires are required to go back to the defensive side of the ball in the final two minutes of each half, which, according to them, will allow for the hurry-up.

But if you’re Indianapolis, it’s hurry-up all the time. Or at least it was.

“People run two-minute offences outside of two minutes and have been doing it for quite some time,” Manning said. “The penalty, I don’t understand it. I don’t understand it at all. Try to catch 12 players on the field, do you just sit there and watch him go off the field? And do you turn back and say, ‘Hey, are you ready?’”

Apparently, the answer to that is, “Yes.”

The NFL has admitted there are issues with the new rule, however, VP of officiating, Carl Johnson, doesn’t sound like he has any idea how to fix them. “It’s going to take a couple extra seconds to spot the ball. There’s no way around that. But this is a work in progress. We’re aggressively seeking ways to improve the mechanics.”

Mechanics?

The problem isn’t mechanics.

It’s old farts.

Guys with grey hair do not belong on the football field while a game is being played in anger, period.

Having a retired car dealer running on the same field as a Ray Lewis isn’t just problematic, it’s insane, and it always has been. Good on ‘em to try and protect these granddads, but the cost will be to shut down one of, if not the most entertaining aspects of the game.

There’s a far simpler and more elegant solution – and one that could be instituted tomorrow. Leave the rules as that are, and simply get rid of the problem.

Take the umpires off the field.

All the NFL would have to do is put them up in the instant replay box, where they can put their feet up and have them watch the play in HD, just like the rest of us.

When they see something, they radio down to the ref who throws a flag.

These are umpires we’re talking about after all, and when you get right down to it, all umpires do is look for holding and dealing with illegal linemen downfield – and they don’t have to be up close and personal for that.

Hell, they’ve been up close and personal forever and they’ve missed plenty of holding calls. It’s not like they could do any worse.

This is clearly a KISS situation, yet the NFL, in all their wisdom, is about to do away with everyone’s favourite part of the game, the miracle comeback, just to save a few bumps and bruises to fellers who shouldn’t be on the field in the first place.

And maybe what’s worse, now we don’t even get the occasional added bonus of seeing a geezer get clocked now and again.

Talk about taking all the fun out of the game!

Cheers – Gavin McDougald – AKA Couch