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Category: Writing

Death By Technology

Death By Technology

With bated breath, we await the kickoff of what should be a classic season opener and all fans everywhere are dreaming of, if everything goes just right, a Super Bowl season, however not everything is looking up, Up UP in the NFL. Because attendance is going DOWN, Down, down. The mighty NFL’s overall attendance is expected to drop for the third straight season this year and overall the gate could be the lowest since 1998 with some teams even facing…

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Keep It Simple Stupid

Keep It Simple Stupid

In the past, there were zero things the NFL did that had not been focus group tested and retested before being introduced to the game. One example of this was instant replay, which was tried and tweaked in pre-season games literally for years before the rules committee finally accepted it and forced it upon us all. Welcome to the brand new NFL because this season, out of the blue and for a decidedly weird reasons, they’ve introduced a new wrinkle…

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The Ego That Roared

The Ego That Roared

He’s not going down without a fight. You’ve got to hand it to him for that at least. That said… is Roger Clemens in-frikin-sane? Last week the multiple-Cy Young award winner was indicted in U.S. federal court, charged with lying to Congress about never taking steroids. Immediately afterwards he stated, through his team of lickspittle attorneys, that he would prove his innocence once and for all and was looking forward to his day in court. Hilariously, that might even be…

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He Lost His Mojo!

He Lost His Mojo!

According to the renowned scientist, Dr. Evil, a person’s “Mojo” is “The libido. The life force. The essence. The right stuff. What the French call a certain… I don’t know what.” Basically what it’s like is, it’s like pornography. Hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. Since Tiger Woods was born it was apparent to everyone he was positively dripping in Mojo. He had oodles and oodles of it. Yet now, after a whack with a…

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Third Time – Not So Charming

Third Time – Not So Charming

If you were a betting man, how much would you put on Brett Favre staying retired? Exactly. So that’s why his announcement that he wouldn’t be returning for a 20th season on Tuesday was met with a collective “meh”, except in ESPN’s head-office where there was a collective Favre-gasm. “Spark up the camera’s boys – time to go live to Vikingland 24/7!” The guy who just doesn’t know how to quit quit yet again texting his now ex-teammates, “This is…

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Inglorious Endings

Inglorious Endings

It was actually over about ten days ago when Lance Armstrong fell negotiating a roundabout at 55kmh just before a killer climb. But officially it ended Sunday on the Champs Elyse in Paris, when he crossed the finish line in the Tour de France for the final time in an unfamiliar position – 23rd overall. “Inglorious” is not a word that has ever been associated with Armstrong, one of the most amazing and inspirational athletes in history, yet sadly just…

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Rule No. 1: Don’t Be a Dick

Rule No. 1: Don’t Be a Dick

That’s the message every professional athlete should get pounded into them again and again and again. They wake up – their alarm clock should chime: “DON’T BE A DICK!” They roll over to kiss the wife or girlfriend or whatever, and they’ll hear, “Morning honey. Remember, don’t be a dick today.” When one of their umpteen kids runs into the bedroom and jumps up on the bed they should always say, “Are you awake Daddy? And oh ya, don’t be…

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Rekindling Perfection

Rekindling Perfection

Whacking a round ball with a club travelling 125 mph should never lead to perfect results. But ten years ago, over the course of four days, it pretty much did. It was the last time Tiger Woods appeared at a U.S. Open at Pebble Beach, and it was the greatest anyone has played the game, ever. He won by 15-strokes. He finished 12-under on the same course the rest of the best players in the game couldn’t even break par….

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Time to Give a Crap Again

Time to Give a Crap Again

This Friday, to consider yourself a worthy dweller of the planet earth, you are supposed to participate in the month-long nuts-a-thon that is the World Cup of Soccer. It’s just what we do. It doesn’t matter that, for the past 47 months since the last one, you haven’t given two hoots or a hangnail about the “Beautiful Game”, it’s the spectacle that’s the thing! Last time around, it was the “spectacle” of those 79 people dying in WC related violence…

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All a Twitter

All a Twitter

I worked with this guy earlier this year and he was, without a doubt, the most boring fellow I have ever had the displeasure to meet in my entire life. Humorless, listless and seemingly perma-beige, he was so singularly soporific; I had to pre-load a double espresso prior to our every encounter to avoid a rapid onset of coma followed by drool. So when he let it slip that he was on Twitter, naturally I couldn’t resist seeing what it…

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